Never bend your head

 

“Nothing is impossible to a determined women.”

Louisa May Alcott

There was a time, after many years of studying, training, working and just living that I recognized my desperate desire to express myself and be heard. I remember my feelings of suffocation so well, kind of like I could literally explode if I didn’t do anything about it.

So, after considering all my options and exhausting every possibility available I felt extremely disheartened by my ‘not so great’ level of success and lack of recognition in my own land. I decided to write this blog in order for me to cope with/ process my emotions, visualizing and sharing what I feel in the hope that it can have a positive effect on others elsewhere.

First of all, I want to stress how much I love my mother tongue. This fascination started when I was a young girl and I discovered the works of Jorge Luis Borges amongst the books on my mother’s bookshelves. Coincidentally, it just so happens, that he was her lecturer at University. He uses all the words available in the dictionary in such an exquisite way that I couldn’t help falling in love with Spanish phraseology.

My mother was an English teacher, but also a poet and who knows how many more wonderful things she could have achieved if only she had more time… My mother was a compulsive reader and when she passed, I suddenly felt compelled to develop my English, maybe as a way of reconnecting with her following in her footsteps.

After losing my mother a chain reaction occurred and unbelievably, I lost my entire family by the age of 15. This, of course led me to a very lonely point in my life and after many years of getting by on my own, despite all my efforts, I couldn’t hide the loneliness, isolation and loss. I studied for four different degrees at the University of Buenos Aires, in a lapsus of more or less 7 years. I finally left Uni and at the same time my lecturer offered me a job to teach Literature. However, I had to decline because at this time in my life I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to pursue an acting career. Shortly after this, I jumped into ballet, jazz and tango classes whilst studying acting and working mostly in TV commercials.

I then lived in Berlin for a while, before getting married and establishing my life once again in my beloved Buenos Aires. So, by the time I began to travel regularly to New York for my studies, I was pretty fluent in English and German as well.
‘Nadie es profeta en su tierra’ which means ‘nobody is a prophet in their own land’. This quote has always resonated with me and it’s actually why I’ve decided to write this blog in English. I truly believe that the combination of different cultures and languages enriches all life experiences. On the other hand, it feels good trying something new, it keeps one moving along the path. In fact, I’ve always been seduced by challenging options.

So here I am, learning, evolving, trying to reach out to people with my blog and improve my English so that I can express myself as clearly and thoroughly as possible. This is my journey up until now. I finally realized that I need to be an active part of the uplifting level of consciousness in a creative way or in other words, make art because I believe it’s the only way to make this world a better place.

How to develop my own projects and make them work? I don’t really know, but who does? I started the production of Harold Pinter’s The Lover full of desire and determination. I embarked on this crazy idea extremely involved in the world of the play and with my newly acquired self-confidence. My main drive being my wish to bring such a great author to the Argentine audience in its original language, whilst portraying the play with my vision.

I worked on Pinter’s plays during my training at Mr. Strasberg’s studio in New York. What I learnt through these intensive workshops was that we never, never, never ignore or hide who we are despite the fear and panic of revealing ourselves. As damaged as a person in all levels one can be, that was, not only hard and extremely demanding, it was also a very healing and therapeutic experience.

But, if I wanted to move forward as badly as I had been dreaming throughout the years, I was obliged to recognize myself in my own mirror. So, I did. I scanned myself, and all my experiences in my most vulnerable state and identified all of my raw feelings, each with a different colour so that I could distinguish them and create my palette. Finally, I felt satisfied and ready to paint my own picture.

I felt taking on the responsibility of my dreams and committing to my career has set me on a higher level of comprehension which is important in the profession, but as a consequence, knowing who I am, enabled me to embody the essential truth of respecting myself.

However, nothing would have happened without the generosity, companionship and collaboration of my wonderful husband whom patiently supported me in all possible ways.

Finally, I’d like to thank all the people who trusted me, who encouraged and helped me to make this exciting dream come true.

Blessings,
Vero

The Present is Female

 

“We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.”

Mother Teresa

She was sitting there on the right  side of the waiting room. Apparently Doctor Brodsky had been delayed, as I had been told by Margarita the receptionist . I really dislike long waits but on that day I couldn’t find a better option than  wait for  my turn which I had  booked  almost three months ago!

I looked at the woman and sat at the other end of the sofa from her then let out a long sigh. She looked up at me over her blue ink notes. I love to read other people’s books and newspapers over their shoulder, on trains, in  waiting rooms… I’m very curious, specially in the literature sense.

On the open page lay a bookmark where I could easily read:

One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody”, Mother Teresa.

In a flash my mind turned to her… such an example… one of the few women to be awarded the Nobel Prize… What a crazy world we live in!

So absorbed was I in that quote, which couldn’t have touched me any deeper… I only vaguely  perceived that the blond lady was now smiling up at me over the notes.

I cast my eyes down and could see the title in bigger letters, The Present Is Female.

-It seems that the weather might remain rainy the whole week —and with that,  she had broken the ice.

Then I looked out of the window, it was grey and wet, I felt both quite attracted and intimidated by her suden openness.

-Yes, seems so —I answered back.

-Oh… These blessed rainy days… You don’t have to go to the park and work out. You can just light candles and let the inspiration flow…

Now, I looked at her in awe, I couldn’t have agreed more. I just had to ask…

-What is it you are writing about?

-Well… it all started when I was pondering about my feelings towards femininity —she answered.

-Wow, what a topic! I’m super intrigued.

-Well —she said and waited a few seconds as if she could pick words out of the air —it might sound odd, but, I was a man in my previous life.

-Oh… and you look so womanly now.

Her laughter filled the space and made it feel warmer.

There are so many men living in women’s bodies and so many women living in men’s bodies nowadays. Please go on, I don’t want to interrupt your flow —I  offered.

-Yes, although  I do hope it’s my turn next —she said.

I agreed and invited her to read. She started in a quiet and gentle voice.

Now I’m female… I’m in the now… We are the now… Common good is now… Common sense, consciousness and responsibility are now… The power of women is in the now… There is a more feminine phase of evolution… Yes, we are evolving… Embracing a more prosperous and peaceful lifestyle. We are just passing through the feminine goddess energy gate.  Can you feel it? —she asked me —It’s lush. It’s so pleasant!

Yes! —I answered, imagining the majesticness of the gate.

Harmony, elegance and beauty  are all in alignment with Mother Nature’s senses. Goddess of creation, Goddess of the earth, the Great Mother of all…

The Laws of the Universe… There’s something mysterious and creative about the order in the Universe… Universal Intelligence reveals something superior. 

The time’s come… Our mission has been revealed… We are healing the world… We are working together… Yes, we can… Intuitive feelings will take us to enlightenment.

We are healing the world… Such a mission… Emotion is instinctive. Instincts are connected with something greater than ourselves. Intuitive feelings will take us to enlightenment. It’s something from above. We are taking the humankind to a next level…

And then she added: I must lead the people into higher good.

By this time she has captured me in her spiritual power. I was swallowed into the ocean of her eyes. We continued talking in general about feminine skills and also about ourselves as women in this time and age. Then we were brought back to reality when the doctor opened the door and shook hands with his lingering patient. He glanced at us on his way to the reception, then in his usual tenor voice he asked Margarita for a cup of tea.

-Mrs. Lee please! —he called.

-Femininity starts from within —she stood and said with a frank smile. Then she left the room and I remained alone with the scent of bergamot tea in the air.

My own Rhapsody

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Since you are not here
I built my own reality…

Open my eyes
and search for you in the skies and see
I’m just an orphan girl,
nobody loves me
Because I’m easy come, easy go
A little high, little low
Anyway love surrounds me,
Nothing really matters to me, to me

Mama, I just lost my time
Trying to fit in a costume that’s a fake
I can’t be that perfect person you dreamed about
Mama, I reached a breakpoint in my life
But now I am leaving all behind
Mama, I don’t want to let you down
I trust you understand
I am feeling better now

Too late I realize,
life is only one,
My body was aching down my spine
Goodbye everybody, I’ve got to start
Gotta leave you all behind and face my life
Mama, oh!
(Anywhere your spirit goes)
I do wanna cry
Sometimes I wish you’d be my side

But I’m just an orphan girl, nobody takes care of me
Easy to cheat, easy to fraud
Because I’m easy come, easy go
Easy to use, easy to exploit
Anyway the wind blows,
doesn’t really matter to me, to me

So you think you can use me and throw me out
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?
Oh baby, can’t do this to you baby
Cause there something else beyond
Which reaches us all in the end

Oh yeah, oh yeah

Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters,
if real love surrounds me,

Anywhere your spirit goes.

Love in many ways

“Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.”

Vincent Van Gogh

It was a very, very long time ago. I remember quite well, when I had no other chance but to make life choices. So I did. I was 10, I lost my mother, and immediately my whole world collapsed… She had been carrying it on her shoulders like a female Atlas. As the only and silent witness, I saw the crushing down and consequently the shards all over… I should have shone a light into the dust, but that was after I had gone much more into the darkness.

In a similar way to several Greek tragedies, the particular mistake in my wider family was to ignore the identity of a blood relative. This disregard included selfishness, and as a matter of fact, a bit of stupidity, but most of all… lovelessness.

In hindsight, I have always known what I now can confirm. There are only two ways, with or without love. Nevertheless, I kept my secret knowledge under seven keys, so scared of being hurt. So underestimated is to have emotions and feelings. Imagine if we finally discovered that we are just like animals… only they are not pretending to be what they aren’t… But, we have a mind, for what without a soul?

I survived from the abandonment. I was on my own. I drifted through the circumstances when what I really wanted is to open the seas. I needed to unlock the seven gates and liberate the energy blocked within. I reached out for help and was told to stop and breathe. I had to coach my heart in order to overcome what I feared most. I trained my mind to focus on love, on my self-esteem, on my inner power. Because I had the right to have aspirations no matter what they said. I refused to go with the flow, if I didn´t trust where it went. When there were dark clouds ahead, I always preferred to believe there was a bright sun shining beyond those clouds… I’m safe now. I have a lovely family. I can close my eyes and feel the eternity.

From the bottom of my heart, I strive to achieve my dreams. Or is it only the act of resigning from our dreams that makes us part of the new generation? Life is all about playing… You can’t take it too seriously… But you will never know your limits unless you push yourself to them. Imagine what you need to create, and feel it. Imagination creates reality. There is no possible way to perceive, that which is done well, without a tender outlook. There is no genius without soul. There is no soul without love. The power of love is the intelligence of the Universe. If you can’t feel it, you can’t see it.

So, being practical, in order to develop a practice, it’s relieving to become someone else. I find pleasure in disconnecting from myself and connect to something spiritual, leaving behind my ego and being physically so present, that nothing else matters, so involved in the present moment. This is what I love about acting. Allowing myself to connect to the source.

It’s such a trip to look through the window. Because I work on the abstract, I paint on the unseen… the colors, lights and shadows, my blends belong to the untouchable world. I’m absolutely passionate about looking at the sky.

It hurts so much not to try… Loyalty is to our own spirit. Our essence is a fractal, and has the same character as the whole, as the Universal essence. To deny it, is equal to deny the existence of the galaxy. We are part of the creation. We are a miracle.
If there were other Vincent Van Gogh’s living in the present time, and no doubt there are, what kind of opportunities would we offer them? If that were to happen, would we ignore them once again? Or have we as a humanity evolved enough as to be able to show them love and appreciation? I’d like to think there is a place for us to live in the synchronicity of love.

In special gratitude to all my predecessors, those who led the way and passed through the seas.

Alkalinize your world

“The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.”

Dante Alighieri

This time, it is the departure of someone I loved -that reinforced my commitment to life-, which has compelled me to write for her and all the other departed people who have shaped my character and sense of uniqueness.

“The diseases that unnatural diet causes are so rampant that they are thought to be an inevitable part of life. This is not the case. Western medicine approaches this problem in convoluted ways and continues to spend billions of dollars developing sophisticated technologies to treat headaches while continuing to bang its (and our) head against the proverbial wall. The one who chooses to stop banging his or her head against the wall by giving up destructive food habits is often ridiculed.” [1]

I feel strongly that if, collectively, we had understood that some things that we take for granted -mainly processed food and artificial ingredients- are harmful,  we could naturally enter into a healing process that could transform our world.

My intention is to introduce in a playful manner concepts like optimal nutrition, or the condition of vibrant personal and planetary health. It’s simple, the word is alkaline. We could inhabit in an alkaline world, we could live an alkaline life, have alkaline relationships. We could use alkaline words or ways. But, what exactly is alkaline?

Alkaline: Higher Ph, greater than 7. Having a relatively low concentration of hydrogen ions. Capable of neutralizing an acid. Relating to an alkali compound.

Alkali: A mixture of soluble salts present in some soils.

Alkaline diet: Ideal balance between acidifying and alkalizing foods. Eating in a balanced way. Natural, unprocessed and organic food.

When we eat something, after digestion, a residue remains -called ash- and this can either be acid or alkaline. But is our body naturally acid or alkaline? The answer is the latter: the normal pH of the blood is slightly alkaline [2].

So the idea behind the alkaline diet is to respect this natural balance by eating [3]:

  • Fresh foods
  • Vegetables
  • Low sugar fruits
  • Nuts, seeds and pulses
  • Salads
  • Foods that are as close to nature (unrefined) as possible

And avoiding or reducing:

  • Sugar
  • Artificial sweeteners
  • Fast foods
  • Junk foods and refined foods
  • Excessive animal protein & dairy
  • Sweets, confectionary, chocolate, trans-fats, chips etc.
  • White foods (white bread, white pasta etc.)
  • Caffeine
  • Soft drinks, alcohol
  • Smoking
  • Drugs

Living in Argentina -the largest beef consumer in the world-, people often asked me why I didn’t eat meat. Since I can remember, I always disliked meat and this was a problem, simply because there was no replacement. This information came with me, I didn’t get to choose this, this wasn’t a temporary trend to follow because it’s fashionable, it just happened. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t have to make adjustments on the way. Gradually, I experimented with lower quantities of certain foods, beginning with wheat flour.

This led me to further confirm the impact of the diet on my body and spirit and deeply make contact with ethical and moral issues regarding cruelty to animals. The food we eat, directly affects our body, emotions and mind. I absolutelly adhere to the idea that everyone could develop a diet taking into account non-cruelty to animals. So, eat and live in balance and harmony with the natural world. Showing respect for the whole creation.

This takes me to the issue of difficulty: is following this diet easy? No, not at all. But it is possible and very liberating.

“Because the alkaline diet promotes excluding certain families of foods, it could result in a less-balanced diet with resulting nutrient deficiencies such as essential fatty acids and phytonutrients. The level of effort needed to use this diet is considered “High” as there are many foods that need to be excluded in this diet” [4].

But keeping the right PH level goes beyond our bodies: in the last century, human impact on Earth and its ecosystems has grown exponentially changing the PH of the environment.

“As a comparison, in the past 100 years with increasing industrialization, the pH of the ocean has dropped from 8.2 to 8.1 because of increasing CO2 deposition. This has a negative impact on life in the ocean and may lead to the collapse of the coral reefs. Even the pH of the soil in which plants are grown can have considerable influence on the mineral content of the food we eat (as minerals are used as buffers to maintain pH)” [5].

 If we have a lower PH, our immune system decreases allowing all sorts of micro-organisms, such as bacteria and fungus, to thrive in our bodies. According to Dr. Tullio Simoncini: “…from the microbiological point of view, instead, it is always the fungus Candida that invades various anatomical parts, evoking different reactions as a function of the organs it feeds on”. Simoncini has observed that Candida is always present in oncology patients. These are the reasons why I think that an alkaline diet is absolutely indispensable for someone going through any sort of cancer and also for its prevention.

 Just simply with a flexible mind and body we are changing the world into a more kindhearted one.

In loving memory of my mother Marta Ladillinsky, my dearest Ballet master Alfredo Gurquel, my German teacher and friend Enrique Furhman, and my one and only psychologist Silvia Pipkin.

[1] Conscious Eating, Gabriel Cousens, M.D.

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alkaline_diet#Evidence_base

[3] http://liveenergized.com/alkaline-diet-scientific-proof/alkaline-diet-proof

[4] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alkaline_diet#Adverse_effects

[5] The Alkaline Diet: Is There Evidence That an Alkaline pH Diet Benefits Health? Gerry K. Schwalfenberg, University of Alberta

 

There is something better beyond

“The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.”

Albert Einstein

The year is reaching an end. We have a whole new almanac. Filled with plenty of new sunrises and sunsets. New configurations. Important dates. A constellation of feelings.

What did I come here to do this time? It is time for me to find the purpose of my soul in a spiritual way. What if we lead the soul to a higher realm of consciousness?

Winter solstice in the northern hemisphere. Summer solstice in the southern hemisphere, where I live. The sun reaching the zenith, it’s highest point. The day at it’s maximum length.

Despite, the world is far from being a happy place. We are part of a very destructive and aggressive civilization. Something is wrong. We are accepting unacceptable realities.

What happens when our environment is so aggressive? Do we become isolated? We shelter in our own life, in our own family, cars, mobile phones. Our safety nets.

Why are we not trusting our own feelings and are, at the same time, so concerned in efficiency and performance?

This lack of being in touch with ourselves and others has a name: it’s called fear and it leads to a process of de-humanization.

We can start the opposite process: to re-humanize ourselves and our environments. To make contact with our pure essence in order to see the soul of other beings. Because to deny it is to leave our spirit behind.

We need to re-ignite our sense of heightened sensitivity in order to emerge from the surface. So as to once again be able to rejoice in connecting with the chain of souls of which everyone of us and everything is a part of.

The universe is a consciousness hologram. Reality is a projected illusion within the hologram. If we expand our brain, we will be expanding the Universe. If there is more than one heaven, imagine how many stars.

Experience your emotions. Make contact with your feelings. Stay healthy.

Feed your soul and happy new year!

New moon

“Home is where one starts from”

T.S. Elliot

That is exactly how I feel. Just in the beginning. With chaos and fresh energy. Building foundations, growing bases. So tired and excited at the same time. I’m back in BA, in a new house, still dust in the air. But trying to specifically focus on my blog, I began writing posts when my younger daughter was born. She is almost three years old now. A whole new cycle, talking about motherhood. By the way, I started working with the plans of my home five years ago! Sorry if I mix things up a bit… I can´t help doing it.

I always knew that interior decoration and being a mother, however wonderful and fulfilling this can be, it is not enough for me… I have badly needed to find a channel to express myself in other ways. I tried with a kind of rehearsal: this blog. So far it’s worked out. I am able to write pieces that show my interest in continuously developing my own philosophy, based on my own beliefs. In the process I was able to discover the topics that obsess me more.

Also I was deeply hankering for having my own sacred and private space while I was immersed in my duties as a mother of two under 4’s. To me, these were tough times.

It is strange how the world goes round, the role of family members has been changing a lot, as well as families as we know them. There is a point that is difficult to balance, while we as women are supposed to also fight for a position in equal conditions to men and in the process of raising kids we are also raising a family.

Different things happen to women where the balance of professional development and the raising of kids is concerned. A man is less confronted with the concessions he has to make in order to have a fully developed professional life.

It’s relevant to be a good mother, but is also relevant for me to develop other aspects of myself. I mean, I am a very committed artist, giving my best at what I do. I find it hard to balance sometimes. For instance, right now I wouldn’t be able to sit here writing if I wasn’t able to relay my duties as a mom to a nanny.

In this context, it was difficult for me to understand that I was the one who really needed help and support. Someone who will offer me a cup of tea, and maybe just a little bit of tenderness. So dear husbands around the world: no matter what your background, sexual orientation or what religion you worship, please pay attention to the mother of your kids. Pamper her. We all deserve safe and unconditional love.

Come on and shine.

Let’s make love

“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you have got to say, and say it hot”

D. H. Lawrence

Sitting here, typing, attempting to get to the point. Carefully thinking about words and meanings. Working to reach my essential nature in the ambition to be connected with heavens.

Touching the dimensions where you don´t have to do things right or wrong, just breathing fully aware of the gift of being alive… In the beginning, when we are born, and in the end, when we die, it is the only thing we have to do: to breath –a vital act that holds a divine essence.

Going deep. Naked. Transpiring ideas. Rooted within myself, the memory of a whisper: -Tu est habité… Filled with passion. Embracing light. We are part of a whole… For good and for bad everything we individually do affects the whole. I need to lay down and see the stars. To contrast my size with the infinite sacredness of nature, the universe’s breath makes my skin crawl.

To rise from lying under the shadow of a tree. Stepping on the grass with bare feet, discovering myself in the mirror of a lake. Swimming underwater. Hearing the sea in its roar. Climbing mountains. Crossing rivers of fear. Riding a horse. Transposing the clouds.

To fall in love, just to have an excuse to greedily and lustfully share it.
Kissing with passion, the wish of melting my soul with someone else’s…
Connecting with someone so deeply, I feel I might be able to see their spirit.

Now, I understand that we are all responsible for elevating this world.

Everybody is changing

“Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, an intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives- choice, not chance, determines your destiny.”

Aristotle

Life is blooming in my heart. Everybody is changing, and I am also forever changing.

I have been exploring the paths that we take in our creative process as we discover our own role as artists. In this perilous journey, we either accept or change, we either stop seeking, or seeking never ends. I have also been thinking about excellence and the profound connection with habits: the ones that lead me to balance my mind, soul and body. And you know what? If we want to have positive changes, we really have to fight for good habits.

And in order to do that, we have to learn to develop good habits, and it takes self-discipline, courage and hard work if we want to reach a level of success. I knew those things where very important, but I became fully aware when I gained the experience of going through that change myself. When I was a child I always wanted to dance, but never could. The arrival of a new century made me feel confident about taking my first Ballet class. Among a class of semi-professional dancers, I was obviously the worst for a long time, even a “lost cause” like my teacher once said. Long story made short: It took me everyday during seven years, but I’m in a point where I can say: well, look what I can do, and, I enjoy it!

It wasn’t easy for me to learn how to develop good habits but I had the desire, the need and the curiosity to open that door. Also I had to prove myself I am fully and consistently commited with my work. Habits requires repetition, in the repetition they become fluid, organically part of our life. It’s in everyday task: evolution as a person. Even if I don’t know yet what it’s like to fully accomplish all of my dreams, hope drives me forward. Trying to forge our personal best on the daily basis.

Because we are spiritual beings, our spirit should be strong as our mind and body.

Art feeds our spirit and is being fed by our dreams at the same time. What is art for me? It’s a collective experience, and should be trascendental to heighten our soul. So if that happens, it is deeply connected whith the Evolution of Humanity.

As an actress, by entering the scene I am enabled to grasp my dreams.
The door is open into my dream world.

Thanks everybody,
Vero

Tribeca 2014

“I go to Paris, I go to London, I go to Rome, and I always say: There’s no place like New York. It’s the most exciting city in the world now.
That’s the way it is. That’s it.”

Robert de Niro

Tribeca, A Film Festival that is more than just watching movies

I know there are so many things going on in NY all the time, but I still wanted to say something about the Tribeca Film Festival. From April 16th until April 27th Tribeca impressed the public with films from a variety of genres, origins and backgrounds.

Maybe because I love the neighborhood so much – it’s vibrant, it feels literally as living in a film set, specially walking through Franklin St. As I walked along antique shops and art galleries, it felt natural to enter by myself to the NY Academy of Art to see the Festival’s special exhibition. This is how I came to discover that Tony Bennet, apart from being a successful jazz musician is a great painter.

Every year, TFF invites a group of contemporary artists to contribute artworks to be given as prizes to winning Festival filmmakers. The Festival honors these contributions with a special exhibition open to the public.

You can browse a slideshow of the artworks on the exhibition following this link.

Thanks!