Never bend your head

 

“Nothing is impossible to a determined women.”

Louisa May Alcott

There was a time, after many years of studying, training, working and just living that I recognized my desperate desire to express myself and be heard. I remember my feelings of suffocation so well, kind of like I could literally explode if I didn’t do anything about it.

So, after considering all my options and exhausting every possibility available I felt extremely disheartened by my ‘not so great’ level of success and lack of recognition in my own land. I decided to write this blog in order for me to cope with/ process my emotions, visualizing and sharing what I feel in the hope that it can have a positive effect on others elsewhere.

First of all, I want to stress how much I love my mother tongue. This fascination started when I was a young girl and I discovered the works of Jorge Luis Borges amongst the books on my mother’s bookshelves. Coincidentally, it just so happens, that he was her lecturer at University. He uses all the words available in the dictionary in such an exquisite way that I couldn’t help falling in love with Spanish phraseology.

My mother was an English teacher, but also a poet and who knows how many more wonderful things she could have achieved if only she had more time… My mother was a compulsive reader and when she passed, I suddenly felt compelled to develop my English, maybe as a way of reconnecting with her following in her footsteps.

After losing my mother a chain reaction occurred and unbelievably, I lost my entire family by the age of 15. This, of course led me to a very lonely point in my life and after many years of getting by on my own, despite all my efforts, I couldn’t hide the loneliness, isolation and loss. I studied for four different degrees at the University of Buenos Aires, in a lapsus of more or less 7 years. I finally left Uni and at the same time my lecturer offered me a job to teach Literature. However, I had to decline because at this time in my life I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to pursue an acting career. Shortly after this, I jumped into ballet, jazz and tango classes whilst studying acting and working mostly in TV commercials.

I then lived in Berlin for a while, before getting married and establishing my life once again in my beloved Buenos Aires. So, by the time I began to travel regularly to New York for my studies, I was pretty fluent in English and German as well.
‘Nadie es profeta en su tierra’ which means ‘nobody is a prophet in their own land’. This quote has always resonated with me and it’s actually why I’ve decided to write this blog in English. I truly believe that the combination of different cultures and languages enriches all life experiences. On the other hand, it feels good trying something new, it keeps one moving along the path. In fact, I’ve always been seduced by challenging options.

So here I am, learning, evolving, trying to reach out to people with my blog and improve my English so that I can express myself as clearly and thoroughly as possible. This is my journey up until now. I finally realized that I need to be an active part of the uplifting level of consciousness in a creative way or in other words, make art because I believe it’s the only way to make this world a better place.

How to develop my own projects and make them work? I don’t really know, but who does? I started the production of Harold Pinter’s The Lover full of desire and determination. I embarked on this crazy idea extremely involved in the world of the play and with my newly acquired self-confidence. My main drive being my wish to bring such a great author to the Argentine audience in its original language, whilst portraying the play with my vision.

I worked on Pinter’s plays during my training at Mr. Strasberg’s studio in New York. What I learnt through these intensive workshops was that we never, never, never ignore or hide who we are despite the fear and panic of revealing ourselves. As damaged as a person in all levels one can be, that was, not only hard and extremely demanding, it was also a very healing and therapeutic experience.

But, if I wanted to move forward as badly as I had been dreaming throughout the years, I was obliged to recognize myself in my own mirror. So, I did. I scanned myself, and all my experiences in my most vulnerable state and identified all of my raw feelings, each with a different colour so that I could distinguish them and create my palette. Finally, I felt satisfied and ready to paint my own picture.

I felt taking on the responsibility of my dreams and committing to my career has set me on a higher level of comprehension which is important in the profession, but as a consequence, knowing who I am, enabled me to embody the essential truth of respecting myself.

However, nothing would have happened without the generosity, companionship and collaboration of my wonderful husband whom patiently supported me in all possible ways.

Finally, I’d like to thank all the people who trusted me, who encouraged and helped me to make this exciting dream come true.

Blessings,
Vero